How to Book with a Professional Dominatrix
This material was highly influenced by and some parts were taken with permission from Simone Justice’s “How to Make an Appointment with a Dominatrix”
This will be a wonderful intro for those who have not had the ability or experience of booking with a professional. We will go over how to find Dominants, how to figure out exactly what you need from your provider, how to approach, how to weed out the scams, and much more!
*** While this information may be universal, no 2 providers will be the same whether in contact protocol, the expectation of engagement, or experience requirements; this will be a great guide to ensure that you will find a provider that works for you and that you will be able to communicate and apply in a way that will not cause your application to be ignored.
deciding what you like, dislike, and need!
Now this seems like the most simple part of this whole experience, and to some, it may be; but for others, especially novice kinksters, figuring out what you want in a scene is incredibly difficult. If you’re unsure of kinks, Fetlife is an incredible tool to see many different aspects of kinks and discover what makes you tingle! While mainstream porn may be a universal intro to kink and fetish, it is not always a realistic depiction of what a scene with a professional would be like. (i.e. most Professionals don’t offer sexual services like nude-queening, cuck clean-up, or penetrating them, even though you may be lucky to find one, but we will discuss finding providers who cater to your needs later.) It is best to understand that the porn you’ll compare your session to is highly produced by professional pornstars, with other professional pornstars. This is a great way to find what you like, but not what to fully expect in those scenes.
Best way to clearly define what you’d like to do with your provider is to categorize your kinks of kinks into:
things you have tried and know you like
things you’d like to/are willing to try
things you definitely do not want to do
Don’t leave anything out here, and don't be concerned or embarrassed, these are your desires, this is your chance to fulfill fantasies you never thought possible. There’s no room for shame, I promise you and experienced Dominatrix has probably heard it all before. In that same breath, avoid wording like “you can do anything to me” or “no limits” because realistically everyone has limits, the dominatrix you are approaching will either believe that you’re not serious (fantasy booking) or she will be under the impression that you are one of the very few that will be able to handle her most sadistic desires, and you’ll end up suffering (in an unpleasurable way) by the end of your session
Finding a local Professional
Would you like to see an independent professional or a house Dominatrix?
An independent dominant is someone who works independently, they may work from their own private studio, renting from another provider, or meeting in hotels. Independents are generally experienced professionally and I some occasions also in the lifestyle as well. These sorts of professionals may offer more long-term and personal dynamics, but they also tend to be more expensive, selective on submissives they see and are less likely to be able to do last-minute bookings.
A house Dominatrix, on the other hand, are professional who are one of many on staff at a domination house. These providers usually are less expensive, more convenient, and have more flexibilities with bookings, but you do find that you are less able to have a personal connection with these dominants, are unable to talk with them directly outside of your session, and in some cases may not genuinely be interested in BDSM.
Where to find professionals?
There are dozens of ways to find providers who may be willing to take you on as a submissive, but just like everything else in the world, there are better options than others. The most basic and well-known way to find providers is Tryst, with this site, you can search for providers by service offered, distance by mile, rate, availability, and even by looks. Of course, there is a chance that you will not find any providers that you desire in your local area, but you have the ability to see providers touring near your search area. Another online directory for professionals is BDSMProfessionals.com, while this directory is extremely new and less populated, you have the ability to search for providers and studios based on country and state, and the provider page will include the provider’s personal booking website. You may also find professionals on social media like Twitter, FetLife, and Reddit; but with all the options you must turn on common sense and do your research. (I will explain how to research and spot real providers vs. scammers later). Another way to find providers is easily just a Google search, it seems so basic, but most professionals whether in a house or independent will have a website for booking and/or contacting them.
How to determine the legitimacy of a professional online.
So you’ve now found a Dominatrix that you believe will fulfill the fantasies you have, how do you know she’s real?
One surefire way is to find if the Dominant you’re interested in has a website, most professionals will have their site listed and spend a large sum of money monthly/yearly to keep up with this website, scammers on the other hand will keep to whatever platform you found them on, or push you to a random Whatapp chat. Professionals understand that because they’re being pushed from every social platform, it is not smart to discuss bookings anywhere besides private email or text due to the chance of being banned from that platform, which is why many real professionals will ignore you if you bring up in-person sessions anywhere besides their websites.
Another red flag to look out for is being approached by a dominant that you did not approach first. It is common knowledge that a dominant will never approach you demanding money for a session. Dominatrices all have busy lives, and have no time or need to message random subs from social media and ask for them to book or send money. If you find someone doing this, do your research and you’ll probably find they’re missing crucial things a provider would have, such as an online presence, a website, a decent following, a profile that’s older than a couple of months, etc.
Does her content show equipment and fetish wear? Does she go or even speak at conferences? Do her posts and writings seem genuine or do they just sound like an attempt to pretend to be dominant? These may seem like minimal evidence of legitimacy, but when you take into consideration the cost of fetish wear and equipment proves that the Dominant has had success or has put in the investment to her craft. The Same goes for conferences, these outings are not cheap by any means or fully private. A professional will likely talk about the events they’ve gone to, have proof of those events, or even just comments/posts with people also in the community who have seen her at an event, showing that at minimum, the dominatrix you’ve been researching is a real person.
Is her rates in the general average of providers around? This may seem silly, but unfortunately, this is what gets many potential clients in situations where they are scammed. We all love a good deal, a good bargain, but in the land of Professional Providers, cheaper does not mean better. If Mistress Jo is charging $100 for a 2-hour “no limit” session, while the other 5 mistresses in the area are charging $400+ for a standard session, that should raise red flags! Either Mistress Jo is incredibly inexperienced/have no knowledge, will likely not have any BDSM equipment, and in turn have a terrible kink-based session, or Mistress Jo is not real, and you’ve sent a deposit and got ghosted the day of your session. If cost is something you’re concerned with, finding a studio/house dominant will potentially be your better option, or if you just have to see that independent provider, saving up will be deemed better than just taking what you find.
How to book
Now we’ve gotten to the meat of things, booking the session! Like I stated in the beginning, every provider is different in how they go about taking bookings but there is a right way and a wrong way to try and book.
The Right Way: Researching the provider, applying/requesting a book in the manner that she has provided via her website fully (not one-word answers, half-assed responses, or incomplete applications), and offering the screening requirements she requests (Many providers will request your ID, LinkedIn profiles, Business Information, or something else to vet your identity), even send a little gift or tribute along with your application to gain bonus points and prove your truly serious about wanting to submit to her.
The Wrong Way: Finding a professional on her social media (or even worse, her paid sites like OnlyFans, LoyalFans, NiteFlirt, etc) and stating your desire to see her in person, emailing her a dick pic with a description like “Young, hung, white male desperate to be used however you please” (none of these things will determine whether she sees you or not, and unsolicited dick pics are icky.), filling out her application with short or incomplete answers, refusing to screen, refusing deposits, being overly sexual in communication prior to booking, and requesting services that are clearly stated as Hard Limits.
While all Dominats understand the concern for safety and privacy, our safety trumps your need for privacy. No legitimate professional is going to want to use your information for anything besides ensuring you're not a serial killer, they will not find your home, your work, or your family, and will not bother breaking the law by blackmailing you (And it may come as a surprise, but most clients who have this unrelenting thought that they will be blackmailed by a provider, are not worth enough to blackmail, ya know?). Screening does not have to be a huge deal, all providers have sent their IDs to every adult site that they’re on to prove their identity, and pushing against being properly vetted will raise red flags with a provider.
On the same note, we all know that people have been scammed in the past, but deposits are necessary. Just because a Professional requests a deposit does not mean that they’re a scam, any reputable Dominant wants to stay in good standing, so they will not bother losing credibility over a couple hundred dollar deposit. What she does need is to be sure that if you no-call no-show or cancel, she will not lose money on her space rental and the time she has spent personalizing your session, therefore she will require a deposit.
You’ve booked and have been accepted, now what?
Finally, it’s the moment you’ve been dreaming about! You would hate to mess it up now!
Be sure to follow her instructions for finding and entering her space. Whether she has her own dungeon, renting a dungeon, or seeing you from a hotel, you must be discreet. Show up presentable, in vanilla clothes, do not ask front desk workers about where to locate the provider, and don’t seem lost as it may draw attention to the provider and what she is doing and could easily get her in trouble. Keep all kink behind closed doors, do not kneel at her door or call her mistress in the hallways.
Safety: You must take responsibility for your own safety to an extent, especially with a Dominatrix that you are just seeing for the first time. If you go to the session, and the Dominat is not who was in pictures or videos, leave immediately. If the space is dirty or poorly maintained, this could be a sign of unsafe practices, and you should leave immediately. If the Dominant appears to be drunk or on drugs, leave immediately, as intoxication is incredibly dangerous while in scene, people die this way. Speak up if you’re uncomfortable, concerned with safety, or just not enjoying yourself, any experienced professional will take the information and utilize it going forward and appreciate your honesty.
What to (and not to) expect: Once you’ve closed the door to her space you may be required to fill out a questionnaire about your likes and dislikes or sign a safety/etiquette contract confirming your understanding of your time together, you will also be required to pay the rest of your rate upfront (each Dominant may require payment differently i.e. cash only, electronic payment, counted in front of her, or presented on your knees, etc), and lastly you will go over safewords one more time and then the session will begin. What you should not expect is her to go through a line-by-line script that you may try to provide, she is the professional, if you allow her to do her thing, you’ll see that it may be even better than what your little script would be. Do not expect nudity, like I stated before when you watch porn and expect what you’re seeing, you will be sorely mistaken. Along with sex, we all know that in some videos, the dominant may allow sex, but in reality, when Professional Dominatrices state “no sex” they mean it in every sense. There will be no intimate touching, taking off her clothes, allowing you to kiss or lick intimate parts of her body (and vice-versa), or really allowing anything that ends in “-job”. If this is something that you must have, find a Full-Service Provider who is in the business of doing these things.
How to be invited back
So you’ve had an incredible session, and you want to be able to come back and see her again? The best ways to ensure that you will be allowed to come back are; to make sure you are clean, like squeaky clean, she will be more willing to see you again if she knows that you will not be a messy client. Also, be respectful and obedient, you want to show her that you will continue to not boundary push and will not be a defiant hassle that she will have to fight with every time she sees. Don’t ask personal questions, keep prying questions to yourself, she does not need to tell you about her personal life outside of the tidbits she openly gives. And if you want to make an impression, bring her a little gift or tip her. This can be flowers, a gift card, a new piece of equipment, a new purse, etc. If you want to go the extra mile see if she has a wishlist and purchase something she wants prior and bring it to the session for her.
